Saturday, May 06, 2006

Stupid Human Behavior Number 564:

Doubting Oneself.

Yes, so that woman came here and stayed. How did it go? How shall I say it? It was as it always was (and will continue to be, I guess). I've been thinking the matter over. Really, she is a bully. She finds some vulnerable part of one's psyche and then she niggles it over and over again. Another point: she will be telling a story and only at the end does she relate it back to you and how your coping with life or your decisions. It was the same this time.

I think what was different this visit was that I had really held the whole situation in my heart. I was much more prepared. As it was happening, I thought of the movie The Matrix, at the part where the bullets of his opponent hang in mid-air and Neo just reaches out and, with his hand tracing a graceful arch, knocks them to the floor. Each bullet hits the ground with a little ting.

So she and I were sitting at the kitchen table and the conversation began. And sure enough, here came the little verbal bullets. I just watched them come, held them in my heart with as much compassion as I could and let them hang there until the fell to the floor. Pretty soon some more just came. O well.

From my research on the 'net, looks like bullies find people who have some vulnerablity and exploit that to cause suffering. She can smell my self-doubt a mile away and I make an easy target.

I did, that is. But things are beginning to change and I felt close to nothing as she sat there lobbing her unkindness in my direction. What unhappiness there must be to act that way towards anyone.

So off she went after a couple of days, back to her home, where she recreates this walled-in universe wherever she goes. I offer her my best intentions. May she come to know the love I have known. May she feel less threatened by her own stupid human behaviors and may she know real peace.

3 Casrh Tset Reulst:

Blogger Tim ID said...

Funny how bullies and bullets both begin with "bull." My experience is that bullies are generally cowards looking for someone they don't have to be afraid of. That doesn't mean they aren't a pain, however.

And stupid human behavior is something we all have in common. :)

May 06, 2006 2:32 PM  
Blogger Zagu said...

Ok, so that sent me to a dictionary to look them up. Bull, the verb, means to push and force. It comes directly from the Latin.
Bullet comes from "French boulette, diminutive of boule, ball, from Old French, from Latin bulla."
Bully "possibly from Middle Dutch boele, sweetheart, probably alteration of broeder, brother."
That stopped my short. If you trace bully all the way back to it's very beginning you come back to brother.
Of course brothers can be bullies. And so they are sometimes. But they're still brothers, and still a pain.

May 06, 2006 9:53 PM  
Blogger Tim ID said...

I would vote for the latin verb push and force. I would think the whole "brother" aspect was the "bully" Teddy Roosevelt used to shout out, as in "bully for him."

May 07, 2006 10:21 AM  

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