Sunday, December 11, 2005

I'm sorry this seat is already taken...

I was toying around with they idea of getting a domain name and typed dummy.com into the browser. www.dummy.com is a site about George W. Bush.

'nough said.

As for me,
today was busy and then helped a friend setup up her laptop. Every time she didn't understand anything she would cry out, "How do they expect us mere mortal to understand any of this. And why do I need any of this software!!! That one! That one there! Can't you delete it?!"

It was her network card driver.

Anyway, she made it clear that she was grateful and was most adorable in her confused and very satisfied state.

And now to trace my thoughts along more serious paths (had you given up?). Just yesterday, I was able to resolve some pain that has been lingering around for the longest time.

I've been aware for years that I've been angry with someone. It has been a slow burn and I've used everything I can think of to get past this anger. Nothing has worked. It is someone about whom I really care and who I feel a lot of gratitude and friendliness for. But nothing would help. The anger burned on.

Finally, yesterday, I let go of the anger. I realized I was angry because this person embarrassed me and hurt me rather badly. And it struck me that the anger is really a judgment of this person. And why am I judgmental? Well, that's the way the world works. Someone makes a mistake and we hate them for it instead of simply loving them. Someone hurts us instead of loving us. So in order to ? fix ? the situation we hurt them back. Unconsciously we are vowing to hurt them long and hard enough that they love us better.

I've let myself hate people because I haven't known better. My hatred is no different than the ignorant hatred that allowed otherwise intelligent Americans to be lead into war by a fool. My hatred and the hatred that contorts the face of George Bush are the same hatred. And we are both engaging hatred as a strategy because we are ignorant.

So I am using hatred in an attempt to create love in my life. The thought goes something like this: If I hate you hard enough and long enough you will be in enough pain that you will be a better person, you will do what I want you to do, and, ultimately, you will love me for it.

I looked and looked at that yesterday and I realized it was laughable. How utterly ridiculous! I am embarrassed (you may substitute "hurt" "betrayed" "disliked" or any assortment of painful experiences here) and I respond by hating. I am hating this person so that they will give me the love I want. The more and more I looked at that the more laughable it became.

George Bush, sitting in a position of power that he doesn't know how to handle, was able to use hatred and fear to motivate this nation to take a embarrassing and tragic course of action.
Nelson Mandela changed the course of his entire country because, when he came out of his unjust imprisonment, he didn't indulge anger.

Before I get angry at those I love, and especially those I don't, let me think long and hard on this...


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